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Five hundred days since the abduction of the Chibok girls.
Five hundred days. With all the efforts made to rescue the
children, with all the hopes and prayers cherished by the
whole world… could we think it would all go that far?
They say there are five stages of mourning and grief that
come as a reaction to a person learning about terminal illness
(own, or relative) or to the loss of a loved one.
Psychologists believe that depending on a person these stages
develop with various levels of intensity and may have
different length of time.
Chibok girls
The stages are:
1. Denial and Isolation. Overwhelming emotions prevail.
Those experiencing stage one deny reality using it as a
defense mechanism to deal with shock and pain.
2. Anger. Those emotions convert into a new form of
expression.
3. Bargaining. Feeling helpless, exhausted and vulnerable,
the person has the need to regain control over the
uncontrollable situation. People may constantly refer to “If
only…” or “What if…” statements, or to all kinds of promises
made to God: “I will never be angry at my wife again if
you’ll just let her live.”
4. Depression. After bargaining, people return to the reality,
to the present. This is a deeper and more private level of
going through the grief.
5. Acceptance. This phase is characterized by withdrawal
and calm. It is not an “all right” stage, but the one when the
person understands the necessity to accept the fact as
something to further live with.
For Nigeria, absence of the Chibok girls has become
something like a terminal illness. At least as long as they
remain missing, the nation has been undergoing various stages.
With more time passing by, some are gradually losing hope
that the children will ever return home. We are still hoping,
we are still praying, we are trying to believe that the horror
will end soon.
However, amid the lingering uncertainty and months of
waiting, the girls absence has started to be associated with an
illness, with all the hurting stages involved.
1. Denial and isolation
On April 14, 2014, when the tragedy hit the country, there
was a period, when the country did not even accept the fact
of abduction and was acting without international support.
Goodluck Jonathan would be later harshly criticized over his
government’s slow response to the incident.
2. Anger
Then attacks started regarding who should be held responsible
for what had happened. Where was the military during
Boko Haram massive invasion into the school premises and
abduction of more than 200 girls? Why did not the
government ensure military presence on the whole territory of
Borno, the state most badly affected by insurgency? How
come throughout years of presidency, Jonathan had not found
the ways to tackle terrorism in the northeast? These and
many other rhetoric questions were angrily asked by
Nigerians.
3. Bargaining
Numerous unconfirmed reports about the talks by various
Nigerian and international negotiators with Boko Haram
leaders about the possible release of the girls. At one point it
was believed that a swap deal was really close: the Chibok
girls for some imprisoned militants. However, in the end
nothing happened. Nothing but the talks about who was
responsible for the deal failure.
4. Depression.
Seems like the year 2015 has been calm. Calm, in a bad
meaning of this word. Not much has been heard about the
development of the situation. Any development at all: either
good or bad. The country was overwhelmed by the
preparations to the general elections and fully indulged in the
hectic surrounding political issues.
Amid the despair, sometimes it was only the genuine
commitment of the BringBackOurGirls group that kept our
memory and faith alive.
5. Acceptance
Here is where we STOP. The final stage, which we have
not reached and refuse to reach. Accepting means stop
believing that our girls will reunite with their families, it
means stop praying for their return.
Yes, 500 days is a huge term, and we all realize that
everything could have happened within this period. But who
said miracles do not happen? Who said the time for waiting
is over? Based on the testimony of some Boko Haram
escapees, the Chibok girls were from time to time being
spotted in Borno. This is at least one reason to keep
resolved in our prayers.
The BBOG head Oby Ezekwesili never puts it as “if the
Chibok girls return..”, but as “when they return…” and
promises to continue the campaign “until they return”.
Nigerians are not the people who are used to giving up. So
let us not give up on keeping our faith. On the 500th day
social media users have been sharing their messages en masse
to let the world known that we refuse to accept the
acceptance stage…
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