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Research indicates that on average, couples live in
unhappy, distressed marriages for seven years before
seeking help from a therapist. By the time they come
in for therapy, both partners have spent years hurting
and disconnected. For most of us, the slightest
indication of cancer in our body would send us
frantically for professional help. We would seek the
very best treatment from the best professionals we
could find. We would want to know what the research
says about therapeutic options and treatment outcomes.
We would seek out those who had struggled with the
same thing and spend focused, dedicated effort to do
everything we could to rid ourselves of that cancer and
live a long and happy life.
So what causes us to delay seeking professional help
when our relationships are not well? Why do we
assume that we can cure ourselves or that it is not
worth the time, money, or effort? If we really
understood the cancer of disconnection, would we allow
it to live inside of us and not seek a solution as quickly
as possible?
Symptoms your relationship may have cancer
One of you feels criticized/blamed.
One of you feels shut out and alone.
Attempts to resolve conflict aren’t working.
You’ve wondered if life could be better alone or with
someone else.
You turn to other things for comfort (i.e. friends,
hobbies, food)
There’s been an unresolved injury such as affair,
p****graphy use or lack of availability during a time
of loss or need.
If you can relate to any of these symptoms, I
encourage you to talk to a therapist. Don’t wait until
things get worse. Find the most effective treatment and
make the sacrifices necessary to rid your relationship of
the disease of disconnection.
If you suspect that your relationship has stage 4
cancer, and you wonder if there is any hope at all, let
me reassure you that there absolutely is! I have seen
many couples in my office that were there as a last
ditch attempt to save their marriage, but they really
didn’t believe it would work. It may take a little bit
longer, but I promise it is possible! Certainly it is
worth trying – to know you did everything you could
do.
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