Shocking: Girls pictured fighting over a boyfriend (photo)

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Increasingly, times are changing, and the world is witnessing unusual development, including teenagers or children- if you like – falling in love and willing to kill to preserve their love. Medinat Kanabe takes a look at the rising spate of violence and killing by young people over love.

Ibrahim Ogunkoya is a 19-year-old, Oyingbo, Lagos boy with a big dream of becoming an international footballer. He had even begun pursuing his dream, as he had started playing for a local league football team.
Things however came to a halt for him in September, when he was charged to court for allegedly murdering Toyin Eniola, who he claimed snatched his girlfriend. Ibrahim had in a moment of rage, stabbed Eniola in the armpit, inflicting on him a fatal body injury that eventually led to his death.

The teenager, who has been remanded by the Ebute-Metta Chief Magistrates Court sitting at Oyingbo, Lagos state, was arraigned on a two-count charge of conspiracy and murder. He now faces a bleak, bleak future.

Another teenager named Funmilola was also recently arrested for attempting to kill 15 year-old Haliya Odunaya, a senior secondary school student for dating her boyfriend.
Funmi, slashed Haliya’s neck during a heated argument and Haliya, severely injured and bleeding had to be rushed to Stars Clinic along Apapa Road, Ebute-Metta.

It was gathered that Funmi, who is 16 had warned Haliya to stop dating her lover or face trouble.
Just last week in Bauchi State, a 20 year old girl, Fatima Baba Isa, killed a 28 year old lady, Iklima Alhassan for dating her boyfriend, Nasiru Banki, 30.

The above are just a few cases of boys and girls, who have killed or attempted to kill because they felt they were in love.

Temilolu Okeowo, a pastor and founder of the Girls Apostolic Ministry of All Nations, New York and Girls Club of Nigeria spoke to The Nation on the matter, using her teachings as examples. She said the teen-age is that period when one can lay a solid foundation for one’s destiny, adding that once a teenager doesn’t get it right, there’s every likelihood that they’d have great difficulty fulfilling their destiny in the future.

“The teen years are a critical period for learning and development foundation for a young person’s future. Opportunities missed at this period can never be regained. If young people don’t take advantage of these opportunities, they may never develop their full potentials,” she said.

Okeowo, who teaches life skills based on the word of God, which she says doesn’t even permit teenagers to fall in love with anyone else but the man they are legally espoused to, says, “people should fall in love with only their husbands or wives.”

“Pre-marital sex as far as I am concerned is a taboo for teenagers or anyone who is not married. I don’t encourage girls to have romantic relationships or boyfriends in their teens because to start with, there’s no mention or approval of boyfriend in the bible; secondly, it distracts them spiritually and more often than not, derails them from the path of their destiny. When your heart is clouded by romance, fantasies, love songs etc, how can the spirit of God which will ignite your inner mind and show you your divine path, function?”
Asked if love can make teenagers kill, she said yes. “Love can make teenagers kill because when they fall in love, they do so passionately and lose all sense of proportion. Teenagers live in a world of their own, they allow their emotions to rule their intellect and they do everything with so much gusto.”


In order that they do not get reckless, she said parents must first have God. Without the fear of God, she said no parent can effectively bring up a child the right way. As it is, she said too many parents have a faulty upbringing.

“Aside this, the world out there is hostile and everyone wants to be loved and made to feel special. Parents have to love their gifts from God passionately and express it at every given opportunity before any wolf in sheep’s clothing takes advantage. So many parents are too busy to give their children the required attention, especially in their impressionable years when they are confused by divergent views about life.
“Without wasting time, they must prayerfully, lovingly and appealingly discourage them by drumming the risks into their ears and letting them know the beneficial advantages in waiting till the right time.”
She said the dangers of getting involved in romance and emotional relationships at a very early age include low academic performance, gangster-ism, unprotected and more frequent sexual intercourse, addiction to pornography, unwanted pregnancy, emotional distress, suicidal behaviour, abortion, early parenthood and dropping out of school.

Parents speak
Mrs Bose Ironsi of Women’s Rights and Health Project and mother of three said, children need the guidance of their parents to have direction in life. “For a child to have that kind of freedom to be able to fight over a boy or girl, it means there is something wrong in the home. Lack of communication between the children and parents is a big problem in some homes. Parents should be able to communicate with their children and give them all the necessary information they need to have at certain age, so that they will not go and get the information outside and get misled.

“I am free with my children; I play with them, dance with them, listen to them and sing with them. Because of this, they can tell me anything and they listen to me. Parents should engage their children, understand who their friends are, have more close time with them, even if it means missing work for a day. Find out their talent and help them to pursue it, so they will be busy with it.”
Mrs Ironsi also said children are very energetic, so parents should multi-task them and not forget to teach them sex education.

Pastor Agu, another parent, said there are different types of parents; some encourage their children when they do wrong while some don’t.
He said “It takes God’s intervention for people to lead good lives and it is the duty of parents to speak to their children. It is advisable that from the day a child is born, the parents speak into their ears, telling them what to do and not to do.”

He said many parents are so busy that they leave their children in the hands of maids who don’t have the time to take proper care of them nor have the capacity to talk to them about life and what is expected of them.

Another thing, he said “is the ‘I-don’t-care’ attitude of Nigerians, where they don’t make attempt to correct other people’s children. Children are for everyone, so let us correct them whether they are ours or not; otherwise tomorrow, someone will just walk into your kitchen and steal away your pot of soup.
For Mr Patrick Onaighise, parents have a great role to play in correcting this wrong. He says, they should not pretend as if they don’t know what their children are doing, when in actual fact, they do. They should call them and speak to them about the possible consequences of their actions, should they make mistakes. “If you want your child to make you proud, teach them how to differentiate between, good, bad and ugly.

He should know that if he gives the key to his room to his friends to rape someone, even if he doesn’t participate in the rape, he has committed a crime.” Onaighise said.
A psychologist speaks
When asked if it is possible for children to fall in love psychologically, Dr. Leonard Okonkwo, a clinical psychologist at the Lagos State University Teaching Hos

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